Destiny, something I pursue in my silver age

When did the first time u consider about your destiny? I didn't realize when it first passed by on my mind. What I knew was then I became restless, in the other words maybe messed up. Well, it's not too much words, I just couldn't express it by words. What I thought are, What was the frame God has created to me? What did he expect from me? Where was the place He wanted me to be in? Have I live in the right way? And many more questions came up. The more I pursued my destiny, the more I didn't know about myself and about what He wanted from me. Did I too stupid? Yes, I did. I haven't known His will yet. I searched many things in life 'bout things could make Him will say: Yes, darling. This is what I want you to do. Unfortunately, I haven't felt that all things I've done would make Him said that. This time, I'm still searching for it. My destiny. I applied a position that I've been looking for so long. But, still I haven't enough faith of it. I am afraid. I am afraid of being alone. I am afraid of being useless. I am afraid of being rejected. Sigh. Too much "afraid" in my life. I am sorry God, I have too little faith in life. Now, in my "waiting time", I want to surrender to Him. I still feel confuse. Yes, I know. So, I give all my worries, confuse, and fear just for Him. You know the best for me, God. *a seeker, a pursuer, and a hunter of God*